Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Road rage – why I love it

Mrs. Magnolia and I live in marginally sized south Mississippi town. It has most of the chain restaurants people enjoy. There's a six lane highway running through the city(old people would call it "the strip," which sounds like the place to be, but it's not).

Along with the six lane highway comes an expected amount of traffic. Now, I grew up in Atlanta(see: bad traffic = three or more hours), so it is fairly difficult for me to call what we normally see in our town as traffic.

However, whilst I steer my SUV swiftly through the avenues of asphalt to get to my desired location a bubbling vat of anger awaits for any stupidity I encounter. I'm the guy changing lanes often, talking on his cell phone and randomly yelling at my steering wheel in frustration. 

For example, the good Lord put blinkers on your vehicle for a reason. Mainly so I wouldn't plow my huge vehicle into yours as your leisurely turn into Blockbuster to most likely return a movie with late charges. Seriously, who still uses Blockbuster? Join the 21st century and get Netflix.

If your blinkers don't work, wave your arms to let me know you're turning. I'll appreciate it even though you look like an idiot. 

Then, there's the motorists who are from absolutely the middle of nowhere. I'm talking about the cast of Deliverance comes to your town to head up to the Wal-Mart and get their monthly rations. They generally drive 10 miles under the speed limit and slowly ease into other lanes as if they don't know about keeping it between the mayonnaise and the mustard. Usually I enjoy yelling, "The accelerator is on the right" or "Go back to your shanties."

Now, I don't know why I enjoy getting upset while I'm driving, but it's just cleansing...that's all I can say about it. I generally try to be incredibly nice to everyone I come into contact with except when I'm behind the wheel. 

Maybe I have anger issues, but at least I'm not this kid.

Okay, that video is most likely fake, but you gotta admit. It's freakin' hilarious.

I don't think I've ever been that upset about anything. Not even when someone pulls out of a church parking lot causing me to honk my horn and then I get the middle finger waved at me. Now THAT is the church I need to join. 


  1. Ok, this blog just made me laugh! I loved it! So funny... Although, I share this same rage. I am really trying to get better about it...since it's Christmas and all :)